i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
