I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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