what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
