Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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