Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
