U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
