I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
