I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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