I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
