I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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