There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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