Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
