franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize