According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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