When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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