I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
