sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
being pregnant is like rehab
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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