Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
