Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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