Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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