That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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