I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
