i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
