My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize