Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
