Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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