I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
