New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
