1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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