Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
