i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
