I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They took my balls.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
