Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
