Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
