oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
