Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
