Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
