don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
