at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
