Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
