it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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