Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
