I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
