all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
