I'm so fucking centered right now
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
