I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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