i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
