Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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