Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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