its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
