trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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