Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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