At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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