Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
