Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
