I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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