East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
