That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
