So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
