and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
