the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
