You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
