So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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