I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize