i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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