it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize