At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
