i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When are your genitals available?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
