I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
