I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
