Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
