What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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