if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
