They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
