I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
