Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
