Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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