i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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