Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
