i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it's great music for shaving your balls
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
