Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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