Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
