Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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