I hate your face
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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