I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
