Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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