so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
