there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
