I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
