I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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