when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
